If you spank your child, you do not deserve to be a parent.
I remember being in high school trying to convince my friend who grew up with very loving parents that physical punishment from parent to child was completely acceptable. My argument was that I turned out just fine; I didn’t have depression, I didn’t want to k*ll myself, so what harm could spanking do to a child?
She looked at me like I was from another planet. To her, this idea was absolutely absurd.
Now having matured a little more and developed a deeper relationship with myself, I think that it was absurd for me to think that.
Physical abuse is wrong in so many ways.
I, like many children around the world, fell into the “we do it because we love you” bullsh*t. Think of it like this: someone does something to make you super frustrated and extremely mad. Unable to walk away, the anger builds up and you find yourself on the verge of exploding. Now what would make you feel better? Probably letting your emotions out.
And that is exactly what physical punishment (of any kind and form) is: them letting their anger out. On you. Because they know they can get away with it without any consequences. Because you are a powerless child who relies on them for survival.
This was a huge revelation for me.
They’re not beating you up because they think it will teach you a lesson or because they think you will behave better. Fear and obedience might be a natural outcome of experiencing physical abuse, but at the basis of everything, they’re doing it as a way of releasing their anger.
You may not believe me at first, but that’s all it is. And the first step for you to realize that their actions are unacceptable is for you to stop buying into their bs when tell you that they do it out of love. No, no they don’t.
There are a gazillion ways to release your intense emotions without harming others, and parents who stoop to physical abuse show nothing but their own lack of emotional intelligence and respect for their own children.
In no way could physical punishment ever be an effective way of parenting. The only parenting they’re doing is showing their kids that violence is an acceptable method of solving problems and ruining their self esteem. And to parents who do spank their kids: your children will grow up one day and will start to lose their respect for you. As they should.
Being well into my 20s and having done some soul exploring away from my family and parents, it is clearer than ever to me the negative effects of physical punishment on developing children. And for the first time in my life, I’m able to admit that,
No, I’m not fine. I’m not fine at all.
Coming from an Asian background, it’s actually so concerning how many of my friends grew up with physical punishment, and even more concerning how many of them think it’s normal.
If you are someone who is dealing or has dealt with physical punishment growing up, know that it is not your fault and you did nothing wrong to deserve to be treated like that. Also know that it is not too late to heal yourself and learn to forgive whoever has wronged you, and to be open to communicating to mend your relationship, if that is what you’d like.
If you do not wish to mend your relationship and wish to completely cut the person out of your life, that is absolutely okay as well; it is your choice, and yours only.
Tell me: What is your take on physical punishment and the effects of it on a child?
With much love,
Emi
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